Last night I triggered. A medium sized trigger. I used to blog anonymously. That was safe. That was hidden. Now I blog with my name and face and my blog is growing. Smally. But growing. People are finding out about me. People are reaching out to me. I am signed up for my first vendor show. People who I know in real life have found my blog. (YIKES!) And people who should know about my blog, still don't know. I have to tell them. STAT. It all just got tooo much last night. I wanted to run. To hide. To go back to old patterns of stuffing and ignoring. I announced I was taking this blog down and quitting. I crawled in bed last night at 9 pm to escape and slept for 15 hours.
Sleeping my way out of a trigger works about 60% of the time for me. Usually I can stop a trigger by sleeping. Sometimes, it doesn't work and I'll just lay awake. All night. Sometimes for several nights. Fortunately last night, sleep came quickly and I crashed HARD for hours.
When I awoke, my trigger had subsided enough that I could face it. Mostly. I'm still not sure what I'm doing here and why I vacillate so wildly between: Keep the blog and Remove the blog. I'm still in this trigger, but I'm stepping though it. I'm reminding myself that just because life gave me a day with one flat tire, I don't have to pop the other three. I can fix the one and move on.